I also want to remind you that it’s normal to feel scared when you get pregnant after a miscarriage. Our brain, specifically the primal one, is incredible and is responsible for your survival, drive and instinct. The mind cannot predict the future, but it can create scenarios based on the past experiences. The good news is that you also have your executive brain which can make the difference if you are truly in danger or you are in an absolutely different situation than you were before.
If you have been intentional this time at working to optimize your fertility before trying to conceive, you really have the best chances to have a healthy and successful pregnancy. Now the work has to take place in your mind and strengthen the executive brain to confirm that you are safe, instead of letting go and allowing fear to creep in.
BUT…how can you do that and navigate the new pregnancy without worrying as soon as you find out you are pregnant?
Let me share some of my top tips I found helpful to weaken this fear when I got pregnant after my loss:
Journaling and Manifesting
Journaling is such a powerful tool that it doesn’t get the praise that it needs. I love WeNatal’s Manifestation Journal since it’s specifically designed for preconception and pregnancy.
I also believe it’s a great way to reconnect with your spouse, share your emotions and see how each one of you cope with the loss and how you can support each other during this pregnancy.
Another powerful benefit from journaling is that you can track milestones and acknowledge those people and things that you’re most grateful for.
Be prepared at each doctor’s appointment
Write down your questions and bring them with you. The doctor’s appointment will always make you nervous, especially if you have found out you had a loss in the doctor’s office. Get a notebook where you would write your questions for your doctor and don’t forget to bring it with you. I promise you, you will leave there with a peace of mind and your doctor will be grateful that you have asked all your questions in a timely manner.
Practice breathing exercises
The fear of what the doctor/midwife finds this time becomes the most intense when you arrive at their office. Practice Diaphragmatic Breathing at least 5 breaths before you get out of your car, and another 5 breaths when you sit in the waiting room to be called.
This type of breathing—also called “abdominal breathing” or “belly breathing”— slows your heartbeat and can also lower blood pressure. Diaphragmatic breathing reduces the body’s “fight-or-flight” response, researchers have found, and stimulates the activity of the vagal nerve, another important component of stress reduction.
Here’s how to do it:
- 1. Lie on your back on a flat surface with your knees bent (if needed, place a pillow under your knees for support).
- 2. Put one hand on your upper chest and one below your rib cage, so you can feel your diaphragm move as you breathe.
- 3. Inhale slowly through your nose, feeling your stomach move out against your hand, then tighten your stomach muscles as you exhale through your mouth.
- 4. Practice this type of breathing for 5 to 10 minutes, three to four times a day. As you get more comfortable with this method, you can even place a book on your stomach to make it a little more challenging (and effective).
The coolest thing about focusing on the breath is that it will block you from thinking of different scenarios…you’re thinking only about your inhalation and exhalation.
Listen to your instinct
Sometimes doctors will offer scans and repeat blood tests especially in the early weeks. Even though for some this may be comforting, for others may not. If your doctor offers that, take a moment and check in with yourself: Do you want to repeat the tests or that will add more stress to you? Then ask your doctor if that is necessary or is optional.
At the same time, if you want to test and your doctor hasn’t offered, just ask if you can come back in a week or so and retest.
Find your pregnant-mama community
A great way to start making friends and share your pregnancy journey is when you’re joining a prenatal yoga or other classes designed specifically for pregnant women. You will quickly realize that you are not the only one feeling scared and many women are going through similar challenges.
Show your baby how much you love them and how much you want them
I know you want this child more than anything, but you are the baby’s first exposure to the outside world. What you think and how you perceive the world you’re transmitting to your child in the utero. This will program their nervous system and endocrine system for the rest of their lives.
This doesn’t mean that you should worry at all, but rather start practicing mindful breathing, meditation, mantras or affirmations, and being in the present moment, so your baby will understand that the world outside is has moments of all kind, but most importantly he/she is loved and you will always be by their side.
Don’t forget to nourish your pregnant body with good food and healthy habits
The pregnancy outcomes and the health of your baby rely heavily on what food you consume and how you pair them. Pregnancy is the time to get as many nutrient dense foods as you can.
You will always get the most bank for your buck when choosing foods that are little to less processed, having a diversity of fruits and vegetables, high quality of meats, especially organ meat like liver, as well as healthy fats from extra virgin olive oil, avocado and nuts and seeds.
Pregnancy complications usually start developing in the early months, even though most of them show up in the last trimester, so there’s no better time than now to implement these healthy habits.
Going through a pregnancy after you have experienced a loss is hard! Whether you are still trying this cycle, or you already found out that you are pregnant, I want to tell you that you’re not alone and we’re here for you. Be kind to yourself and always make space for your self-care.
Connect with Dora
You can find Dora on Instagram at: @yourfertilitycoachdora
Or you can find out about Dora’s services on her website: